Just like a Nieuwelingen
Nieuwelingen is how they call the beginners category in Belgium. They are kids and they race even before the juniors. The direct translation of Nieuwelingen is "Newbies". And the definition of Newbie goes like this: an inexperienced newcomer to a particular activity.
Despite having been a professional cyclist since 2014 (for 8 full years now), I raced like a total nieuwelingen yesterday at the cyclocross in Essen. So much so that I was actually the only pro rider who did the course recon at the same time as the Nieuwelingen...
So yeah...it wasn't my finest day yesterday, and to be honest, my mistakes started before the whistle even went off.
It is probably not even worth listing all the nieuwelingen things I did...but a couple of them include :
pre-riding at the wrong time (not understanding the schedule properly) and therefore pre-riding a course that was fast and fully ride-able, and being surprised to see some parts fully destroyed and that I had to run by the time we raced. 100% nieuwelingen.
Finding myself sitting on my top tube, with both feet unclipped after a mud puddle...wait for it... MULTIPLE TIMES in the race. WTF.
Of course there were more...and to be fair, I owe more respects to the nieuwelingens, because they might have more experience than that! The general idea is that I wasn't present yesterday, and I made mistakes that a 29 year old professional with experience should not do. To be honest, I'm not certain why I wasn't present. I was actually really excited about this race in Essen. I had this goal of putting myself in the race and challenge myself against the other riders at the front. I wanted to start really fast and be in the mix from the beginning, I wanted to be aggressive. I had prepared myself for a full gas first couple of laps, to make sure my body and mind wouldn't be shocked.
But somehow, when it started, as much as I tried to focus on the right things, it didn't really come. This was the end of a good training block for me, so perhaps I was tired?
After 5 laps, and with 2 to go, I finally rode a bit better, but it was of course too late.
I finished feeling disappointed in myself, and quite confused as to what had just happened out there.
There were, of course, a few silver linings.
The race was really cold, it was around freezing point outside, and the first time this year I raced in those conditions. One thing that happens sometimes while racing in the cold is that you don't feel your hands at all which changes the bike handling, and sometimes your breathing can feel panicked. I experienced both of those things yesterday, and I'm glad I did. Next week, we are heading to Italy for the Val di Sole World Cup, and we know that it's going to be really cold. Having those feelings this weekend reminded me of how to prepare well in those conditions, which will allow me to prepare more efficiently next week in the cold.
The other good thing is that, when things don't go well, it can be a good opportunity to figure out what went wrong and why, so you can address it and improve. There were some technical details, some mental stuff, some decision making (or lack thereof), that were off. I've taken notes of that from yesterday. That said, it is also important to remind ourselves that one day doesn't define us. There is a popular saying that says "You are only as good as your last race". But I think that's bullshit.
If you've consistently done well in training and racing every day for weeks and weeks on hand, is that all thrown to the garbage because of one bad day? Of course not! I used to think I was shit every time I had a bad race. I'd think that I was the only one experiencing that. But if you take a moment to look around, everyone experiences bad days...even the world champions! But of course it's easier to focus on OUR personal bad days, and to then throw ourselves a pity party.
Paradoxically, one of the things I'm most happy about yesterday is that I didn't throw myself a pity party. I was mad, I recognized my mistakes, David and I talked about it, I thought about it more and figured out some things I can improve upon...and that was it. For once, I didn't take it personal when David told me I looked like I wasn't present in the race. It was true, I agreed, we moved on.
Nothing great ever happens in a pity party...it's a sad and boring place, only good to destroy our self-esteem. The fun and much more empowering party happens when we move on and continue to work on the bigger goals!
On another note, it was our first weekend bac racing in Belgium, and we were welcomed very warmly by the Belgian CX scene and the fans, which was really nice! We're now back at our Netherlands home. I'll be taking a couple of days easy to recover from the last 3 weeks, and we will then drive to Italy on Wednesday and Thursday. It is a 12h drive so we will split it up by stopping in Munich to have dinner with and pick up our friends Caitlin and Franz Bernstein!
In retrospect, the one good thing I borrowed from the Nieuwelingens, is their enthusiasm. If I can pair my newbie's enthusiasm with my 8 years of experience, I think I can get somewhere :)