A feeling of wanting more
It’s 5:00 PM on Sunday. I’m sitting at the back of the camper van while my legs are being squeezed in the compression legs. David is driving, my forever hero. And Mia, she is being a good girl, simply waiting as she sits between the two front seats.
It’s a 4.5h drive from the town of Troyes, in France, to our house for the winter in Sittard, NL.
This week, we got invited to race the UCI Cyclocross of Troyes. A double UCI race weekend, which also happened to be the two final rounds of the Coupe de France series. It felt like the perfect progression for me; the level was going to be a bit higher than last week, but it felt like a level where I could fight for the win.
Spoiler alert — I did not win. And as I’m writing this and reflecting on the weekend, I’m equally as happy as I am pissed. Okay, I actually paused before writing “pissed”. Is this really how I’m feeling? Bummed is definitely not the right emotion. Maybe disappointed would fit the bill. Or frustration?
On day one, the race was extremely fast. And to be honest, that was my first mistake. While pre-riding, I misjudged the type of racing that this course would bring. I chose the wrong gearing and never expected it to be so damn fast. It was a simple course, fun, but with no major difficulty where one could make a big difference. Plus, it was a lot of twist and turns, but no long pedaling sections where pure power could make a difference. Now that I look back, I’m able to see how I could have ridden better. But in the race, I never quite figured it out. It’s not that my legs were dead or that I was too full gas…I simply wasn’t riding fast enough. It was one of those courses where going harder was not necessarily making you faster. What should have I done? Well, I think it was all about quick accelerations out of every corners; that way, you gain speed quickly and can keep a high speed to the next turn. I was more pedalling hard the whole time, but ultimately, that’s not what created the fastest average speed. I was also not riding THAT well…it could have been better. Luckily, I improved from lap to lap and by the end I was really close from catching the second place. I finished 3rd, 4 seconds behind the second place.
On day two, I was ready to improve. I now felt like I knew what to work on, and if I applied those lessons, I could fight for the win. I felt ready. It rained a bit overnight, but by the time our race came around in the afternoon, the course was very similar to the day before, except a tiny little bit more slippery in some parts. They said go. I missed my pedal. Got into the first turn in maybe 6th-7th wheel. Not great, but okay. I stayed calm. I had planned that if I wasn’t in the first 2-3 riders, I would run the first off camber section 1 min into the race. As we approached the section, there was a U-turn just before and I saw that it was chaotic in front of me, so I prepared to get off the bike. As I did, BAM! The girl in front of me slid out and took out my front wheel. No panic. This mistake could have been solved in 2 seconds, but that other girl started panicking and yanked her bike. Surely, as she yanked it, she got the bike tangled into mine, my pedal being stuck in her wheel. Great. As I untangled it, another girl suddenly crashed on me and she smashed her handlebar into my spokes. Stuck again. Friends, if you ever crash on someone, DON’T FREAK OUT. Just gently take your bike and go, it will save you some time :)
When I finally got going again, I was pretty far. According to David’s count, I was around 45-50th at the first pit. It sucked, but somehow, it didn’t affect me too much. Except from maybe a loud and very Quebecois “Tabarnak” of disbelief in front of the chaos I found myself in, I quickly brushed it off and went on to race. So here I went! I started riding strong and applying all my lessons from yesterday. I also told myself that having to pass all these people and being stuck in chaos was a great preparation for the upcoming World Cups. After the first lap, I was 1:30min down on the leader. Each lap, I passed more and more people. With 2 laps to go, I was chasing the top 5. With one lap to go, the 4th place was in sight. I ended up finishing 4th, 5 seconds behind the podium, and only 41secs behind the winner. On such a high speed course, where everyone rides similar speeds, I was proud of that comeback!
I rode really well and pretty fast. I had a blast and the french fans could see my progression, so they really got behind it and cheered me on really loudly.
Small wins: Progress over Ego
It was a really fun day and I’m proud of how I rode. But here I am writing this and I still feel disappointed/frustrated. I shouldn’t have missed my pedal at the start and I shouldn’t have crashed at the beginning, those were my mistakes. It shouldn’t happen. I’m disappointed because with my laps time, I think I could have been fighting for the win. And now I’m not even brining flowers home!
But I guess it is what it is! II need to remember my goals: Progression, and fun! Those goals were achieved this weekend, and it actually is a nice feeling to be left wanting more. I’m motivated for another big week of training, and by giving a strong and honest effort, I even know what I need to work on to improve.
And if we’re going to be counting the small wins, here’s another one: On both days, I felt fully present and committed to the fight. Never did I get stuck in my head with negative thoughts, never did I start thinking about what people would think of my performance. It was all about trying to finds ways to go faster. That is a good feeling. Maybe being focused on progress is having a good effect on calming down my ego…although it seems I still have just enough of it to be frustrated and want more :)
Thanks to the Troyes organization for having us! It was truly a fun weekend. The French cyclocross scene is very healthy and alive! There were over 1400 racers of all ages, plenty of spectators, and everyone was having a good time. Mia made some doggy friends and had a few nice walkies, including a big one with David to the local bakery to grab us dinner for the road…speaking of which, my compression legs cycle is over and it’s time to eat that dinner!